


Alpha Dave: Aquire a whole ass baby.

by PhoenixAccio



Series: In which Dave Strider learns that everyone he's ever met knows his dad. [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adopted Children, Auto-Responder | Lil Hal and Dirk Strider are Twins, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Trans Dave Strider, Trans Dirk Strider, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-27 23:52:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16229888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixAccio/pseuds/PhoenixAccio
Summary: David finds out that his brother has somehow gotten his hands on a human infant, and really just can't let that stand.





	Alpha Dave: Aquire a whole ass baby.

**Author's Note:**

> Dirk's birthname is Angelina Jolie Strider (haha aj) and Hal's is Alexa Rose Strider (like the robot lady and also ar like autoresponder im so funney) and they're both trans and so is alpha dave.  
> Also bro's middle name is fauntleroy bc fuck him that's why.

It was 6:45 in the morning, and David Strider paced back and forth in his living room. He had just received some concerning news from a friend of his, about his brother. Apparently, Derrick, somehow, had gotten his hands on a kid. David had grown up with Derrick, and he of all people knew that his brother was the opposite of fit for parenthood. What was going to happen to the poor kid?

David looked over to the doorway, his daughters had apparently heard his pacing and had come to see what was going on. At the sight of the twins' curious faces, David made up his mind. He wasn't letting that kid grow up in a household like Derrick's. He turned to Alexa and Angie in the doorway.

"Good morning," he greeted, "I'm going to be visiting your uncle today. You two want to come with me?"

Angelina nodded excitedly, but Alexa looked slightly hesitant. The slightly older twin looked over to her sister, making a face that clearly read 'come on,' and Alexa finally laughed, and nodded as well.

David nodded back at his daughters, and turned to start on breakfast, since everyone was already up. 

He really was so grateful to whatever higher power let him somehow successfully raise kids (so far), that the girls were able to express emotion like this. God knew it had taken him years to unlearn the blank, emotionless demeanor trained into him over the course of his childhood. Derrick had never bothered to try. Different people reacted differently to the same stimuli, David guessed. The little horizontal scars littering his wrists were proof of that. That was never anything Derrick had struggled with. David supposed, as he began cracking eggs into the sizzling frying pan, that Derrick had never struggled with a lot of things David had.

-

Three hours later David pulled up to Derrick's apartment complex. He parked the car, and walked around to unbuckle his daughters in the back seat. As soon as the twins were free, they scrambled out of the car to follow behind David as he approached the building.

"Okay," he turned to the kids, "I'm not trying to scare you, but your uncle's apartment is not the safest place I've ever been. You can look, but I don't want you two touching any of the swords, and be careful around the stairs, they're pretty steep, you got me?"  
Both children nodded, and the three continued on.

After a long elevator ride, the three Striders reached Derrick's apartment proper. David knocked, and waited for his brother to let them in. A few banging noises sounded from the apartment, like those produced by someone crashing into furniture. The sounds got louder as Derrick approached, then the door swung open, revealing David's brother, usually perfectly gelled hair messy and shades crooked on his nose.

"Hey, David, come in."

David came in, gently pulling the girls with him.

"Derrick. I hear you have a kid now."

Derrick looked away. "Uh, yeah, I do. Come on, let's sit down and talk."

"Yeah, man," David replied, following Derrick as the older man walked through the house. They reached a room in the back, where a small baby, not even a year old, lay in a crib, chewing a pair of triangular sunglasses that looked just like Derrick's. Derrick hefted up the kid, holding him against his chest. He then returned to the living room, where David's kids were sitting on the floor, conversing intensely. David and Derrick sat down on the futon, and David turned a little to face his brother properly.

"Okay, man, tell me exactly how you managed to get your hands on a whole ass baby," David demanded.

Derrick laughed. "Uh, alright, so there was this chick--" he was interrupted by David's groan.

"No story that starts in 'there was this chick' _ever_ ends well, man."

"Bro, just let me finish the story."

"Okay, okay, sure," David conceded, putting up his hands in faux surrender.

"Okay, so this chick was a big fan of my DJing, went to a lot of my shows, and one night we ended up sleeping together . Long story short, nine months later I'm stuck with the result. His name's Dave." Derrick hefted the baby as an example.

David smirked. "Dave, huh?"

"Shut up," Derrick grumbled.

"Okay, to the point of this visit," David said, leaning forward. "I don't know what happens when I'm not around, but you understand that your house isn't exactly a child-safe environment, right?" He gestured to large pile of swords on top of the fridge.

"Yeah, I know," Derrick muttered. "But what else am I supposed to do? I'm not getting rid of my swords, those things are valuable."

"Give him to me," David replied immediately. "I have two kids already, I've taken parenting classes, I can handle one more."

"I can handle him!" Derrick replied defensively. "I'm not some pussy who backs down from challenges as soon as someone offers to take over!"

"That sentence right there?" David points out, "That's exactly why I don't want you raising this kid. 'Challenges'? he's a child, not a game for you to win!"

Derrick looked away from his brother guiltily, and David continued.

"You and I both know you aren't a person who should raise a child." Bitterness tinted David's tone. He remembered what growing up with Derrick had been like. "This kid needs a parent, not a samurai master. I. Am taking. This child."

"Fine!" Derrick conceded. "Take the kid, if you want him so bad! Go ahead!"  
At some point, Angelina and Alexa had started paying attention to the conversation, drawn by the sudden change in volume. David glanced worriedly at his children, before turning his gaze back to Derrick.

"I'm not cutting you out completely," David told his brother. "You can still see your kid. I'm just not going to let you hurt this child like you hurt me. I don't want to see him like that."

"Okay, fine, whatever," Derrick agreed, passing baby Dave to his new guardian. "I'll mail you the papers once I find them."

There was a pause for a few seconds, and Derrick took a breath before adding, quietly, "Take care of my son, man."

"I will," David reassured, "Don't worry. I'll give him the best life I can manage."

"Thank you," replied Derrick.

David walked out of the apartment with one child extra in his arms. He was going to do right by this kid, he swore it to himself.


End file.
